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The following is a work of fiction. Characters, names, situations, events, and locations described in this novel are purely the invention of the author's mind, or are used fictitiously. Any sort of resemblance to people - living or dead, names and locations is purely coincidental. This story is copyrighted and cannot be taken or displayed without the permission of the author.
by Jan Baxter From the shadows, Beth watched him, every move and gesture imprinted on her memory. His eyes hidden by sunglasses as they almost always were, something to hide behind, he'd told her. When people can't see your eyes, they can't read your expressions and although he was a rock star, he had to keep some emotions and feelings hidden. She watched his mouth as he sang, remembering sweet brief kisses. How his smile had seemed to be directed at her and at the end of the gig when he'd patiently talked to fans and signed endless autographs, posed for photo after photo, Beth had felt he'd glanced up from time to time and looked for her amongst the crowd. She'd been one of the last to reach him. Beth recalled how the first thing she'd told him was that he looked tired out, and he'd replied that he was "beat" and thirsty. She'd handed him her unopened can of diet Coke and he'd thanked her, opened it and swallowed gratefully. The crowd swayed and Beth moved forwards, right to the front, drawn by his voice as though he hypnotised her. As the biggest, loudest cheer of the evening greeted the introduction to one of the band's big ballads, she felt her eyes were locked on his mirrored sunglasses, trying to reach behind them. She knew he'd never see her amongst the crush of people but she longed to hear him speak to her and see that smile directed her way again. It was like deja vu as she stood there, waiting patiently at the back of a long line of people, mainly young girls. As she got nearer she could hear his voice and her knees shook but bravely she waited her turn. The last few approached him and as she held out her Cd to be signed, his head was turned away from her, looking down as he wrote his name. Then, in a split-second's pause, his head came up and he stared at her. The moment was frozen, he removed the shades covering his eyes and said "Beth?" She nodded and he smiled that smile directly at her again. "Hey! You look terrific! Let me finish up here, I won't be long...." Swiftly, he signed the remaining items, posed for a last photograph and all the time Beth stood there like a spare part. His arm slid round her waist as he turned to go. "C'mon...let's go get a drink. I have something to say to you." Uneasy, Beth didn't resist and when he drew her to one side in a corridor full of hurrying roadies and the crashes of equipment being loaded, she shivered as he faced her. "What happened? Beth, I thought we had a link, an affinity you said, then I came back and you'd left. Why?" She shook her head "I felt out of place, I knew they all thought I was a groupie so I just went. All I wanted tonight was a memory, an autograph." Jon sighed deeply, his face looking tired and almost haggard. Beth couldn't stop herself, she reached out to touch his hand. As he gripped hers firmly in return, she heard herself say the same thing she had done before "You do look tired, Jon." His eyes glinted "I'm beat, you're not leaving yet, are you?" Her eyes were drawn to the bulging muscles on his upper arms, she'd never realised how well-developed his arms were, he always seemed so slim. "In a minute, I've got a long drive home by myself." Jon put the other arm around her waist. "Please stay a little while? I really want to know why you left last time." She felt his slim strong body against hers and her heart flipped over like a coin. "I left because I couldn't stay. I knew what you wanted from me and I didn't want to be.." Jon interrupted her almost angrily "I did not want anything from you! I liked you, I thought you liked me, we seemed to have something in common. It's not often I meet a girl I can really talk to.." Beth sniffed scornfully "Don't lie to me, Jon, there are hundreds of girls you meet. You could click your fingers and have any one of hundreds from the audience tonight. I didn't want to be just one more." He looked so hurt that she felt guilty immediately "You must really think I'm a piece of shit then. Yeah, I could click my fingers and have any number of girls, I used to do that. I'm not lying, Beth, when you're on the road ninety per cent of your life, you don't get a chance to meet someone and really talk with them, you don't ever get a chance to build a relationship. Cheap thrills with cheap girls don't fill the empty loneliness in my life when I'm on the road. I didn't want to hit on you, I just wanted to talk. You were intelligent and lively, you had some conversation which is more than most of the girls hanging around do...I wanted to get to know you." She looked at her hands "I said please don't lie to me. You kissed me, didn't you? Three times, and tongues too. What did that mean if it didn't mean sex?" Jon breathed in deeply and slowly. "I meant I liked you, I was...am...attracted to you. It didn't mean I was gonna jump you and go on to the next town. You keep saying I'm not to lie to you, why are you lying to me?" Beth looked up at that, met his direct blue gaze and lost her mind. "I had to go because I wanted you to kiss me again and I was frightened of where it would lead, if I slept with you it would be once and then you'd go. How did you know it was me tonight anyway?" Jon grinned and lifted her hand "Two things. The little silver flower shaped ring right here, and the soft hands. I remember touching your hand the first time when you handed me that Coke and thinking wow she has such soft skin. Do you really have to leave right away?" She hesitated before shaking her head and he smiled. "Good, then let's go find a drink, somewhere quieter and less frantic where we can sit down." She tried a feeble protest "Jon, I can't, I've got to go. I've...got a friend waiting." He didn't even bother to turn round as he led her away. "Don't you lie to me either, Beth, you said you were alone. Don't you trust me?" As he said the last words he turned to look at her, and at that moment all she wanted to do was hold him in her arms, to help him relax and unwind. She wanted to take him home and look after him. Beth smiled back at him for the first time "All right, I'll stay for a while.... you owe me a can of Coke anyway." Jon grinned "I think I can do better than that! C'mon...this way....and I promise I won't lie to you if you don't lie to me."
Jan Baxter June 1999 |